Okay, here's the thing, I'm a 31 year old male. I have been legally divorced for two days. About a year and a half ago my ex and I seperated after a 13 year relationship which has led to this. In the mean time, within that year and a half, I have gotten with my "H.S. Sweetheart" ( i.e. "the one that got away") only to find that she isn't anything of the person I knew..there's a few hints of that person here and there, but this girl is a total psycho. I regularly hear the words " I'll kill you" or "I'll kill the bitch" come out of her and quite honestly, I'm fukin scared. I dont' know how to end it because I am fed up with hearing that kind of stuff. Apparently she always thought of me as "the perfect guy" (which we all know isn't possible) and has turned down several mairage offers and such by men who would have been able to treat her the way she wants to be. While myself, I have never been single for more than a few weeks since I was maybe 14-15...
Now, for the biggie, she wants me to marry her, I am scared to death of it because of the words I hear so freely fly from her mouth. I don't think I could ever spend the time she want's me to spend with her knowing that those words come so freely. A little advice please would help because I don't know how to talk to her at all, everything I say comes back on me somehow.....

 

Run as fast as you can...you might have to change your phone number and get a restraining order...

 

That's very good advice L!!! You need to get out of that relationship, she has some huge problems. ..Find her a boyfriend or something!!!!

 

if you want to end things with her, there's no polite way to end it. if things ended nicely, it wouldn't of ended. you can't live in the past and make it your future, especially if the person has changed. she needs to understand that your not the one for her. she won't know this unless you tell her. something may of happened to her that you are not aware of, or maybe dont understand, and could be the cause of her current state of mind (i.e. her "i'll kill you" statements). you're walking into another divorce, so thats not a good way to start things. you're not going to be her therapist. you would be happier alone, than sick with someone else.

 

If she's as psycho as you say, then rational conversations aren't gonna work. You may even get hurt.

Wait til she's at work, anything, just make sure she's out the house. Have arrangements made with parents, friends, or even a removal company, and just disappear. Leave a note detailing that you're gone, and provide an anonymous email address for correspondance relating to anything outstanding such as mortgages, joint bank accounts or loans.

If you do indeed have a joint bank account, I would advise moving half (or whatever you consider to be yours) into a new account. Request that your bank details are not passed on to her, for reasons of protection.

I got the most ridiculous feeling of deja vu as I wrote that, like I'd written it before.

Hope that helps mate. I really don't see an easy way out of this - you need to think of your safety - mentally, emotionally and physically - before you worry about breaking her heart. She's not who you remembered and needed.

 

get rid

I have to agree here, she doesn't sound like a good person to be in any kind of relationship never mind marriage. However you end it it'll be difficult but think it has to be done ,can't tell ya how to do it though sorry

 

Trust me, she has ways of finding me no matter where I go, that's the worst part...

 

Shit man. Just... shit.

Fake your death.

Seriously, can't you move state or county? I'm sure you could manage to find some digs to rent someplace new, find a new job - maybe even change your name. You NEED to get out, somehow. Spare no expense, or you'll pay for it later.

 

I totally agree!

Best of luck to you dude! oh and sorry about your divorce

 

Damn

"...everything I say comes back on me somehow....."

Since that seems to be the case (and I don't know if you're living with her or not), just tell her it's you, not her. Make it out like you're doing her the favor by leaving. Tell her it's not working and that she deserves better. Turn it all around so she can blame you and you can be free. Don't pick up your clothes, forget a date, tell her you're not in the mood. If that doesn't work, you could always fake amnesia. Good luck to you. Please keep us posted.

 

its for your own good babe.. turn in the opposite direction of her.. ..and run.. run far.. run fast..

anyone that can easily say things like 'i will kill you'.. is not someone you want to hang around.. reguardless of history you may have with that person or whatever else or however else you may feel about them.. it is time to consoder other things in reguard to your relationships..

 

Well, (Lighting my pipe) Good advice from my fellow posters.Lets pause for a moment and take a close look at you, my asker of advice.What is going on with you that you would even consider being with such a person? Why cant you speak your truth about what you want or dont want in your life? Why have you never spent any time out of a relationship? When you can answer these questions about yourself,you will no longer attract people to you that are operating at such a low level.The problem is not her my friend,its you!

 

Tell her you're gay? This way you can explain that it's not her, it's her plumbing.

 

Hah definitely worth a shot...breaking up with her could cause her to lose what little control she currently has. Telling her your gay and making up a believable story, I think would be the best way out of it.

 

mm hasn't posted in a few days, wonder if he's ok?

 

I'm here, just haven't had a chance to get back here the last few days. been working as much as I can to stay out of the house. I've decided to try to stick it out for just a little longet but if I hear the threats (and I told her this) anymore, I would pack my shit and leave walkin if I had to. (Guess we'll see how long my balls last now)

 

that sucks, i cant even think of a better response rather than get the fuck away fast

 

Dude, I gotta say that already she's wearing you down. A few days ago you were adamant that you couldn't live with her, now you're prepared to give her a chance. Don't. Even if she stops the threats for a while, she'll merely repackage them. It doesn't stop her from be a) possibly a psycho and b) definately bad news for you.

Stand by the courage of your old convictions, and leave. While you still can. You've given her the bargaining chip now - if you leave off your own bat after too long, she'll give you the 'I did what you asked, you still leave - you never really loved me did you?' And if her previous behaviour is anything to go by, you will NOT want to be in the same state, let alone same house, when she does that.

 

I agree with Orion, you need to get out while you still can mm.

 

Actions speak, if you don't love her, especially if she scares you, a grown man then leave for real. Be a Man son, you ended a marriage, that had to be hard, this is just another relationship that has run it's course. Be real with her, she'll be hurt but you can't stay and have that relationship continue to fester, you'll be blamed for that, either by her or yourself. Move on.